I used to think Sally Field’s Oscar speech after winning Best Actress was over the top. “You like me, right now, you like me!” she shouted as she raised her golden statue in the air, showing off her defined bicep. I’d probably have to bring along a wheelbarrow to push the damn thing. (Wait, is my mind wandering to how I would carry a 13.5-pound Oscar off stage in stilettos without falling, flinging it and knocking out Billy Crystal?)
I watched her acceptance speech again recently, and I’m pretty sure she was genuinely choked up and genuinely felt like the Oscar validated her as an actress. After all, we all want to feel like someone recognizes us for our craft, whether it is acting, writing, doctoring or even underwater basket weaving. Maybe we’re not winning an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel Prize or a Blue Ribbon for best basket shape, but even a simple, “I like your work”, “You were great” or “thanks for helping clear up that rash” will suffice to make us feel “validated”, if even for a few minutes or seconds (usually how long it lasts for me, until my insecurity needs another fix).
As bloggers, this leads me to how we get our validation fix. Maybe someone leaves a nice comment after a post. Maybe someone retweets a link to our post. Maybe someone considers us worthy of doing a guest post. Or maybe a major blog network syndicates our work. All of these actions leave us with a feeling that the work we do, and are most often not paid for, is being recognized.
Unless you’ve decided your goal is to make everyone hate you in the blogosphere, you hope for validation on some level or another. If you’re super self-assured, then maybe just publishing your work on your own site is sufficient to give you a rush. Somehow, I don’t think that’s true for the masses. A lot of us are stay-at-home moms who were once professionals and no longer get paid for our passion and persistence at work. Our earnings are measured in how much validation we receive.
I have managed teams before and I have to say that blogging is definitely a team effort, even if it only involves a team of one wearing multiple hats (multitasking). As bloggers, we self-motivate ourselves to write (self-starter), we look for resourceful ways to overcome the occasional writer’s block (perseverance) and we manage our own time in the midst of another full-time job, whether it’s being a SAHM or going to a professional job (organization).
If you’re lucky, you’ll find a great group of writers who empathize with your decision to write a blog. A great group of writers who empathize or sympathize with the topics and experiences you write about. Or a great group of writers who offer up a good laugh to recharge you and revive your motivation. They’ll support you, even if it wasn’t your best post. They’ll find one nice thing to say about something you put your heart into, just because they know how it feels to be validated.
Then, you have the ones who want to bring you down. Maybe they don’t like your writing style. Maybe they just don’t think you’re funny. Maybe they disagree with your point of view. Maybe you said something on Twitter that was innocent, but they’ve decided to dislike you for it. My fellow Epistolarian, Ashley, called them"bloghole" and I think it’s the PERFECT name.
I never really understand why people hold grudges, but I happen to be one of those control freaks that want people to like me. If you’re a fan of the show Friends, then you’ve probably seen the episode where Monica doesn’t know her neighbors, so she starts to make candy for them and leaves it hooked up outside her door to bribe them into liking her. I’m pretty much Monica’s harmless, doppelgänger (not in physical appearance, of course, only personality). So in closing, if you leave your address in the comments, I might send you some candy.
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