An Open Letter to Ms. Minaj

The word “epistolary” referred to letters written to elicit change.  In the days of yore, the pen was a strong weapon and wielded often to affect change.  The art of words has lost some of its poignancy as the media, social media and other methods of communication have emerged.  Few actually turn to writing letters as a manner of compliment or criticism. 

In January, we Epistolarians are forging our own path with a set of letters to either commend or chastise those we feel strongly enough about to place pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard).  Whether a celebrity, secret love interest, friend or nemesis – we will be spouting off from our little corners of the internet. 

 

Here to start off our January series is: Teri @ Snarkfest and her letter to Nicki Minaj!

Dear Ms. Minaj,

May I call you Nicki? Nick? Whackjob? Sorry. I just have to ask you this:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/76/Christopher_Macsurak_Nicki_Minaj_cropped.jpg/230px-Christopher_Macsurak_Nicki_Minaj_cropped.jpg

 

Really?? What in the wide world is wrong with you? Seriously, woman. You have a great singing voice. Really, I do like the singing, when it happens. But sadly, you don't sing as much as you babble. And your babble is, to me, like nails on a chalkboard. Think Edward Scissorhands on a chalkboard. No kidding.

And you're relatively pretty(ish). So what's with the wigs and boobs?

 

 

http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=1920&bih=979&tbm=isch&tbnid=RcBQlHt8U7E8mM:&imgrefurl=

http://sengook.com/nicki-minaj-hairstyles355

 

And the language?? REALLY? Forgive me, I don't have my fucking-crazy-to-English dictionary, so what the hell does this actually mean? 

Yes I did, yes I did

Somebody please tell him who the eff I is

I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up

Back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up

Really. WHAT?? What does that mean? And this:

Bitch talkin she the queen, when she looking like a lab ratI'm Angeline, you JenniferCome on bitch, you see where Brad atIce my wrists and I piss on bitchesYou can suck my disnik if you take this jizzesYou don't like them disses, give my ass some kisses
Anyone want to take a stab at 'diznik'? I've got nothing. Honestly, Nicki, you're short and cute and I don't really know if you write your own lyrics or if you pay someone to do that for you. (really hope you're saving the receipts because that's just trash) but you're better than this. 
What must your mother think when she hears you using words like disnik and jizzes?? What do you tell her when she says 'what dat means?' Truly, you get yourself a good song writer and stop that rapping crap and sing like the songstress I know you can be and you'll really do well.

http://static.nme.com/images/gallery/NickiMinajPA250412.jpg

Also, I'm not sure red is really your color:

http://static.wetpaint.me/ai/ROOT/photos/310/Nicki-Minaj-on-106--Park-2808775933747834059.jpg

I'm just sayin'. 
Love and kisses,Snarkfest