I have to admit, I’m not one to write fan letters. Pretty much ever. But many years ago when my kids were little, they just loved a brand new show called Blue’s Clues. My older son JT, in particular, would not miss an episode. For me it was not just a love of the show but frustration that resulted in my very first fan letter:
Dear Producers of Blue’s Clues:
I am writing to you, as the mother of one of your most devoted fans, to complement you on an enjoyable and educational show. My son, JT has been watching twice a day ever since we discovered Blue’s Clues. Even my 1 year old JK starts to wave to Steve and Blue when he hears the show’s music.
I am also writing in the hopes that you would be willing to take one small suggestion. You see, I really don’t mind that I have to plan our day around when Blue’s Clues is on. I can now break the sound barrier getting JT home from pre-school so he doesn’t miss a show. I have adjusted to all of my mirrors being marked up from JT cleaning off the paw prints. I am now adept at casually steering JK away from the “thinking chair” (at considerable risk to JK’s life) once we have all three clues. I am getting used to JT jumping on books singing “Blue Skidoo, we can too”. After scouring the town I have finally been able to find notebooks with spirals at the top. It’s OK that when Steve has a cold, JT and his tissue box are inseparable, and when Steve goes to the beach, JT wears sunglasses all week. Our Black Lab isn’t too confused at suddenly being called “Blue”. I’m even dealing with “I don’t have to be nice to my brother, Steve doesn’t have a brother”.
All that said, I must ask you please, PLEASE, could Steve just change his clothes? Wouldn’t a comfortable pair of sweat pants (maybe in a shade of grey) be nice, or a pair of jeans? How about a blue belt, a sweatshirt, something (anything) without stripes, and everyone should own a pair of sneakers.
Although I thank you for simplifying my choices in boys’ clothes, and cutting way down on my shopping time, it was bad enough when people who saw JT wearing brown pants, a striped shirt, brown belt and brown shoes EVERY day just thought we were poor and offered us hand-me-downs, but now that we’ve bought a new car, we are starting to get the most awful looks. To make matters worse, we may now have to cancel our winter vacation as every time we talk about what we wear to the beach, JT answers “but Steve wears brown shoes to the beach”.
What do we have to look forward to in the future? Spending every penny of our discretionary funds on Blue’s Clues videos, stuffed animals, games and books? After all, who needs a college fund anyway? If JT watches enough Blue’s Clues, he’ll be smart enough for a scholarship, right?
Sincerely,
A Blues Clues Mom
PS: Who do we have to talk to in order to get your show on at a decent hour on the weekends? It’s currently on at 5:30 am in our time zone. We have not yet told our kids, but if a neighbor slips, there’s going to be trouble.
I was shocked when a package of Blue’s Clues toys not yet in the stores arrived in the mail, along with these:
Dear Blue’s Clues Producers:
I did not expect to be writing you a second letter, but was so surprised by the hand written response to my first letter as well as the package full of gifts for the boys that I felt compelled to acknowledge them. If you know what it’s like to see children’s eyes light up, that’s what I saw when we opened your package.
By way of thanks, I thought I would do you the favor of helping to make your job a little easier. I am enclosing some ideas for future shows and am giving you my written permission to use my ideas without any remuneration whatsoever. They are:
*Steve introduces us to his younger brother, JK, who he loves and shares everything with.
*Steve does not scream at his mother in public when she mistakenly introduces him at JT instead of Steve.
*Steve eats something other than pizza, French fries and sweets.
*Steve does not knock all the books off the shelves at the library.
*Steve always goes right to bed as soon as his parents say it’s bedtime.
*Steve does not argue with his Mom (casting: a petite brunette).
*Steve learns to play with his brother without someone ending up bleeding.
Since JT and JK are both very young and neither of them show signs of getting over their Blue’s Clues obsession any time soon, you will need suggestions for shows for many years to come. Here are a few for later:
*Steve studies hard and gets good grades.
*Steve is first in line to do chores around the house.
*Steve hair remains short and body parts remain un-pierced.
*Steve obeys the speed limit and all traffic rules.
*Steve adheres to his curfew every night.
*Steve calls his Mom every day from college.
No need to thank me, helping you out in this way was my pleasure.
Sincerely,
Still a Blue’s Clues Mom
Now although I consider the whole “writing a letter to a famous show” thing to have initially been a success, I can’t help but wonder, now that my kids are teenagers, if things might be better for me at this point if those Blue’s Clues producers had actually made a few of those shows I suggested.
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