Dear Venus Razor;
I have been using the Venus razor since it came out, like a million years ago at this point. I love it. It's really the only razor that I can use on my ridiculously sensitive skin without looking like I was on the losing end of a fight with a feral tabby. And, once I find something that works for me, I stick with it until the end of time.
The other day I was hopped up on coffee with some slightly turned milk and went shopping at Target. In my curdled milk stupor I got all crazy and bought some different Gillette Venus blades to go on my plain old Venus razor instead of my usual standby razor blades. These Embrace blades promised to make my skin smooth, silky and clean the bathroom when I was done showering. I mean, FIVE blades for a dramatically smooth shave plus a ribbon of moisture?!? And, at the low, low price of $600 a blade I was practically making money! Sign me right the freak up!
The following day I jumped in the shower, excited to start my morning routine. I lathered up my gam in preparation for sheer awesomeness. Was I ready for this level of fantastic this early in the morning and with only 3 solid hours of sleep? Yes I was.
I placed the blue and green slice of perfection on my lower leg and pulled up slowly to my knee. Well. It was like shaving with a snail. It was super hard and crunchy until it warmed up or did razor stretches or whatever it needed to do to get ready. Then it left a slime trail wherever it touched. Embrace? It was like embracing the ass end of an octopus.
And, of course I hacked up my leg in the process of trying to multitask shaving while simultaneously removing the slime trail. I gave that blade it's slithering papers. That's when I remembered why I never try new things.
Maybe it will meet up with some other snails in my yard and produce wonderful Venus offspring that I can shave with. However, more likely it will start a snail gang and start sliming cars in the neighborhood.
Not a smooth criminal,
Tracy
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