A Post by Lucy Ball @ My Life As Lucille
Dear Oscar,
Why?
I am so sad. I just can’t believe it’s true. Since your rise to fame in the Olympics, I have referred to you, shared your story, and quoted you. OVER and OVER… especially this quote:
"My mother used to tell us in the mornings, 'Carl put on your shoes, Oscar you put on your prosthetic legs... So I grew up not really thinking I had a disability. I grew up thinking I had different shoes." ~Oscar Pistorius
You see, my father is an amputee too. When I was 4 years old, he had an accident at work. He was only 27. His left arm was completely severed and his right arm was very nearly ripped off. His knees were smashed and his pelvis was squashed to less than 6 inches. He told me once that he remembers looking at the young boy who was interning with him sitting cross-legged on the floor afterward…holding and rocking my father’s severed arm. No one expected my father to live. And back then, there were no such surgical procedures being done to reattach limbs. Oh. And the prosthetic limbs were down right archaic.
My sister and I weren’t allowed to see him for months while he was in the hospital. My mother kept us from seeing him because he was so badly injured; she was worried we would be afraid of him. He finally came home from the hospital over 3 months later.
At some point, I suspect he decided that he could do one of two things. He could feel sorry for himself and wallow in self-pity, OR he could prove he was every bit as able as any other man with two arms. I suspect that he decided there was nothing he could do to change the physical reality. Maybe he decided this wouldn’t make him weaker, but stronger. Is that kind of how you felt about your disability? The more my father accomplished, the less his physical body mattered.
He has challenges, as I’m sure you do. He can’t tie his own shoes. So he buys boots that zip. He can’t cut a steak. So my mother does it for him. But he can do almost everything else an able-bodied man can do. In fact, he is more capable than most people with two hands.
Sometimes I look at him and I feel like an ass for complaining about how difficult something is that I have to do. I remind myself how much more difficult it is for people like my dad. And you. And our servicemen and women who come back from duty severely injured or disabled. It can’t be easy. I understand that.
My point?
I just wonder. What happened to you? You had a gift. You inspired people ALL OVER THE WORLD…you inspired able-bodied people, athletes, children, and other people with disabilities. You gave us hope. You reminded us that the strength a person has on the inside can supersede what your physical body is on the outside. What happened on the inside that changed you? Made you do something so horrible?
I truly hope what’s being reported most recently is not true – the steroids, the details of the scene, the cricket bat. It’s incomprehensible.
I wish the world would only remember you for your strength, your courage, your perseverance. Remember you for the hero you were before this violent act. But that isn't how it works, sadly.
I hope you can heal on the inside. And I hope you will share that with others...to help educate and maybe even prevent similar tragedies in the future.
Finally and most importantly, I offer my prayers and deepest condolences to the family and loved ones of your girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp as well as to your own family. What a shame.
With a heavy heart,
Lucy
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