Thankful That I Am Alive
Post By Courtney @ http://www.chewylicious.com/
I grew up in a small town where everyone was different from me. I came home one day from school and asked my parents why I didn't have blond hair and blue eyes. When I moved to a different city I was the only asian girl that was born here in the states. So in the end I was still left out. I didn't belong to the american crowd or to the asian crowd. I had an identity crisis since I was young. I never felt like I belong and I guess when you're young that's the only thing that matters. Is that you could find a group of girls where you could belong. I was invited to go to Country Clubs with my friends and their parents when I was young! I was great at square dancing and line dancing! I even fell in love with a boy and thought he was the one but I was too different for him.
I was a girl who her mother picked out her clothes until she was a SOPHOMORE in COLLEGE.
A girl who her mother made her wear lipstick and heels when she was in 6th grade.
And a girl who was forced to get straight a's and wasn't allowed to eat much because she'd gain too much weight…and that would make her ugly….
I had to come home immediately after school. No extra curricular activities were allowed. Bed time was 9.
My parents took me to and from school 'till I was 16.
My parents checked the mileage of my car to make sure I was only going to and from school.
I was forced to go to the college in my town ….no excuses and had to live at home while I went to college.
I can't wear heels now because my back will be in pain for the next few days.
I'm THANKFUL I've made it THIS far.
I'm a HUGE NERD GAMER. I learned to play Starcraft when I was a freshman in college and have become an avid gamer since. I have played Diablo 1 & 2, Unreal 1 & 2, Warcarft 1,2 & 3, Starcaft 1 & 2, Quake, Counterstrike and last but not least World of Warcraft (all of it's expansions). I'm such a hardcore gamer that I was part of a GUILD that was in the TOP 10 in the WORLD.
I met my husband in college and boy was that a mess. Let's just say I'm thankful we got together…..
I became Christian the year before we were to be married and that was a miracle in it self. I remember when I was young I had dated so many guys that I never had a break in between them….never had the chance to find out who I was. My husband and God has shaped me and molded me into a better woman. A woman with more honor, dignity, values, strength and courage. I had so many problems growing up I never thought I would be alive if it wasn't for them both. Not that I don't have any now but I had so many issues with depression and my relationships with all the guys that would always lie to me. They always made me feel inferior to them.
I love my husband and sometimes I may not say it enough but I think I'm the luckiest woman in the world! He loves me even when I'm moody! He does the dishes when I'm tired and does the laundry and vacuuming on schedule. He helps me clean the house when guests come over. And most of all he works works from home so he's always there for me. We always go grocery hand in hand. I never have to carry anything heavy. (Did I mention I have a bad back?) My husband and I got married as soon as we got out of college. And we've moved ever since…every couple years we'd move…for one reason or another…so we never had any really close friends…so we're each other's best friends. Because my husband has been so supportive I'm so thankful that i had an opportunity to pursue a career in photography! He never once doubted that I couldn't do it and was very proud of me when I did do it. I remember the days he would run around and carry my lights, and camera equipment for me. He was even my note taker for when i shot certain events that required names of the people in my pictures! I've been blessed to have been able to work with and meet some amazing people. Ludacris, and Dr. J were the nicest. He helped me prepare the house for photo shoots and drove me to and from work because it was too dangerous for me to walk home or be by myself. I didn't do it long before my desire to have a family and to become a loving wife was more important than my career. At least I can say that "I did it with all my heart" so that I can never regret it.
Then I lost my way some where and slowly finding my way back. The thing that spurred it on was the loss of a friend. Nothing like that…she just told me that she didn't really want to be friends anymore. I guess it hurt me more than I realized. I mean I can't blame her for being honest. So I ran off into cyber space hoping that I could find someone to talk to. Not that my husband didn't talk to me…I just needed some girl time! So this year has been a lot of self reflection on my life currently and where I'll be heading. I'm not very good at humor nor am I at writing. My grammar and punctuation is horrible and I blame it on my elementary education. I can't write unless i make a draft and when I can write I can't even look at the screen because i'm too ashamed to read my writing WHILE I'm writing…yeah I'm weird I KNOW. My thoughts are always so scattered that it's hard to put them all together. I just have to write thoughts down then copy and past them in the order that it should be. *sigh* I've always wanted to blog and be part of a community, just didn't think that I was ever good enough. Until one day I just went all in and figured it was time to just give it a try and see if anything would happen. If I could meet some girls. I sound like a lonely single guy! LOL! I didn't need someone to understand me well I just wanted some girls to hang out with and chat about stupid stuff…it doesn't even have to be meaningful….
I am SO thankful that I have met a great group of women who have encouraged, supported and pushed me to become a better writer.
I held on to friendships from high school thinking that it would last but people move on. That's just what time and distance does (and effort…because now most of my girlfriends are all online…so distance isn't an issue!). And when I tell you that I care…I really mean it. Blogging has become the way for me to find some women who will join me in this journey to help me become a better woman. It's to encourage and support one another. Or help each other become better or to lend an ear.
I am thankful that most of my family members are healthy. I have heard too many of my friends stories where a loved one is dying of cancer. I can't help but imagine what I would do if I lost my husband or vice versa. I don't think I would make it.
Some random facts:
-I'm ocd at times…
-I can't stand the thoughts of guests coming over and I don't have at LEAST 5 candles or air fresheners going on at the same time!
-I try to limit my intake of sugar and carbs…..my body can't seem to process it very well so…sad for me…but sometimes i just don't care and indulge myself!
-I'm a purse girl…I love love love purses, makeup, jewelry, perfumes, lotion and skin care products! I may not use them all the time but I love collecting them.
I've taken the personality test and I'm in ISFP….and that means a few things….
-I can't hold onto a job for more than a month…unless I'm working for myself. I get hurt too easily and at times I can be too honest and bosses don't like that. They just want you to shut up and do your work.
-I can find the beauty in all things. I love all crafts….if i had the time and money i would do it all! from pottery, painting to quilting…my craft of choice right now is cooking, baking, crocheting. I dare you to go and take the test! It's the Myer's Briggs Test!
With all the things that have happened in my life. I couldn't be more thankful that I am still here with a wonderful husband that still loves me no matter what. Now i'm just a woman dreaming of the day she can hold a child in her arms! If you want to join me on my journey and see how it unfolds…come join me in the links below! I can PROMISE you that I can't make you laugh NOR cry but I will always lend you my shoulder to cry on! I hope I didn't bore you and I look forward to getting to know you better! I love to talk about Crocheting, Photography, and Cooking!
Find me on my blog @ Chewylicious @ http://www.chewylicious.com/
Or follow me on Twitter @Chewyleecious
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