So, this is my first post on The Epistolarians, and i feel stomach bubbling and the sweats coming on. Everyone is crazy funny and smart, and i'm the homeschooling Mom who can't do 7th grade math. Because SATAN invented it. Last night, i kept waking up with that feeling - you know the one...where SOMETHING is wrong. Then, it would hit me. It was the fact that i think i've been made by my Sister in Law. In the one post i wrote on my blog that called her out. Of course. This caused me to panic last night. Not because i regretted anything i said - honestly, i was nice. Diplomatic, even, in how i worded things. But because that means my parents might find out. And my husband's parents. My one brother and 2 sisters know, but not the older brother. And not my legit nut job sister. Um, Nut Job sister, if you somehow find this, i totally still love you, but you're insane. Stop being insane because i miss you. Anyway, rabbit trail.
This basically is leading to my point for this one. That we shouldn't ever have to be afraid to say what we think, voice OUR OWN FREAKING OPINIONS, or *have* to blog under fake names. But there it is. I do. I also hide certain movies when my parents or in-laws come over. Mr SWAT hides any and all booze, i swear he even puts the vanilla extract in the basement when his family comes over so they don't think we are lushes. Don't get me wrong, they are awesome - i actually love my in-laws. But it's hilarious that we're knocking on 40's door, and if our parents stop by, we go on this mad dash to hide things. It's glorious, is it not? I'm 36. I can have a dayum bottle of wine in my ACTUAL WINE RACK if i want to. That, by the way, is still there with wine glasses stacked in it. So it's not like we're really hiding anything. It's just funny.
Now, i don't think my blog is really that out of control or nasty - unless i have my period. Then all bets are off anyway. I don't even say actual curse words. I have a gift of making fake ones up. So it just comes down to the fact that i say things on there that i don't have the balls to say to anyone in real life. And i honestly don't want to be like that anymore. But then again, my blog is MINE. If i wanted to devote it to how much i hate someone, it's my business. But i'm not like that. Mostly. So this post is to whine about the fact that i'm a wimp. But maybe, if i drink my milk, i'll be bigger than the bullies someday.
OH! But, bonus points, the fact that SIL left a dripping with sarcasm comment on my *actual* Facebook, so as to let me know that she KNOWS, meant that Mr SWAT saw it, asked what the poop her problem was now, and then i told him about my blog. I never actually told him. And then he couldn't stop laughing. So now he knows, and i didn't even have to give him my butt to make up for it. *whew* Because we all know, and i swear if someone says they like it, OH MY WORD, that butt sex is not fun. It's not. And neither is pooping the day after.
~Sue Diamond-Phillips
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